Being Thankful Is Hard!

Today is Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. I love that we get together with family, eat food, and just enjoy each other. Today is a day for looking back at the year and seeing all the good things. And, you know what, this is hard.

It is not always easy to be thankful. Looking back at this year, I have many things to be thankful for, but my heart is not in it this year. Sure, every holiday has been hard since Weston died. I do not believe is what is going on this time. I can see something new this year in myself.

You see to be thankful, truly thankful, a person needs to look at their whole life. You must look back and see all of the good and the bad. Looking back at the bad makes me sad. I try to keep myself seeing the best in everything, being positive is very important. 

So, today as I look back and become a little sad, I will refocus myself on what I am thankful for. I will look toward the good. I will remember the hard times, but only dwell in the good. Thanksgiving will always be a time for remembrance.

Now, I am going to change how I see Thanksgiving. I will always see it as a day to be thankful, but starting this year I am going to see it as a day of hope. Thanksgiving is a day of hope, after looking back, and seeing the good of another year. I challenge you to find new hope this Thanksgiving. Always give thanks and remember the past but move forward toward the hope of tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving to all!!



AK

It Will Be Here Soon, Feed the Fire 2017

This year has flown by, 2016 seems like a distant memory. It is funny how your memories change with time. I can remember somethings from my youth as clear as can be, but things yesterday are not always so clear. As I sit and reflect on my year, I am surprised at all that has happened. All of the kids seem to have had an explosion of growth this year. We are almost out of diapers, this is a great thing but a little sad. Time marches on ready or not.

November and December always seem to fly by, January and February are a little better for resting. March will mark the third year since Weston passed. March is hard. It is a time to remember him. It is a time to reflect. With March also comes the start of something good, Feed the Fire. Feed the Fire is my favorite thing we do all year. It provide me with a way to channel my grief into something good. It is a way for me to give back, in a small way, to the ones who give so much. 

When Weston was in the hospital, some of my favorite memories involve the firemen. They came and saw him in the hospital, invited us to visit with them, they adopted our family for Christmas, and sent packages from around the world, to help Weston feel the love. On one visit the firemen even set up the ladder truck and visited Weston in his 6th floor room. Talk about seeing a boy light up. When the hospital security guards told them they could not park there, you know what they said, we are here to see Weston. Still brings tears to my eyes.

Feed the Fire is on March 23rd and is our way of saying thank you. Thank you to all the first responders, all the heroes who make a difference everyday, even when they do not know it. Feed the Fire is about doing something nice for someone else. The first year we feed over 100 different places, last year it was over 200 and we went world wide. This year I am going to challenge you, I want to see this grow, 500 is my goal. I know we can do it. We received pictures both years and it is great to see the happiness in everyones eyes on that day.

How can you help?  It is easy on March 23rd, go feed a hero. Feed the Fire is a great chance to visit with your local first responders, tell them thank you. You can bring a hot meal for the day, or supplies to be used as needed. The important thing is that you spread the love that was shown to a little boy in the hospital. Contact your local departments and see what they need. Remember Feed the Fire is coming start planning today!

For more information go to  Feed the Fire on westonswarriors.com or check it out on Facebook look for more to come out between now and 2017! 

It Has Been A While.

The thing with life is that it keeps on going. Everyday we move further along in life. It is crazy. I have been thinking lately (scary thought right). Lots of things have been pulling at my heart lately. Why do people do the things they do? Why must me throw stones? Why do we forget, we are all just people? Why? Why? Why?

My heart was broken, when the heart community was rocked by a tragic event. Why people do the things they do, we may never know?  It is always a shame when the blood of the innocent is spilled. If you are having bad thoughts or you know someone who is, you must seek help. Life is short enough as it is. Violence is never the answer. People love you, get the help you need.

As always, Weston is heavy on my heart, as I struggle to make sense of his life. I miss him everyday. I stop in my tracks, when I think of how old and what he would be doing now. In many ways, he has taught me how to live life, in the now. As I learn to live my new life, I find some days are just hard.  I find I am more alone now, than every in my life. It is not that I want to be alone, it is more of I want to be with my family more. I love my family and will live my life to make things better for them.

We spent three years torn apart, and now, we find that living together is hard. We are all trying to find the new normal. What is normal? Who is normal? Do I even want to be normal? When life smacks you in the face, it is hard not to shift your priorities. I find many things less important as I focus my attention more on family than on the outside world. The greatest gift I have received is my wife and kids. Never take them for granted.

Keeton family 2015

I am not trying to complain, it is my hope that by sharing others will see that they are  not alone. Life is hard, life is tough, life is a challenge. I find that when I step back and slow down I see how lucky we are. Life stops being so hard. The struggle for me is to slow down and enjoy the moment I am in.

The whole country seems to be on edge. I think we all need to slow down and enjoy our families. The  amount of hate in this country right now is a shame. How did our country turn to so much hate. Why is it one way or the other. Last time I looked there are many different ways to do something. I believe we all need to fix our lives, before we look at others.

We all go through changes in life. Follow your heart.

Change is going to happen even if you do not like it. I deal with change best when I stop trying to fight it and embrace it. I do not have to like it, but I do have to change. If you find yourself struggling it is OK to find help. We all need help sometimes. Please remember Hang on, Hang in, and Don't Quit!!!


AK

My Best Keep Secret

Weston's story has been told many times. Around the world, many people have heard of the long, heart breaking, and powerful story, that is his life's story. Knowing the number of lives, he touched will probably never be known, but I would say generations have been changed due to him.

Knowing that, it is still a wonderful thing to hear about someone doing something nice, just to pay it forward. "Feed the Fire" was such a shot of joy to my heart. March is always the hardest part of the year for us. Hearing how Weston's story is still making an impact helps ease the hurt. The best is when someone does not know who I am, and they tell a story about how they heard, or did something because of Weston.

As time goes on, the pain of his passing still haunts me. The anger, frustration, and sadness try to take hold of my life. Let me tell you, sorrow is not an easy thing to shake. Have you heard it takes a village to raise a child? Well, it takes the whole world, to recover from the loss of one.

Many people have asked, how do you guys do what you do? Or something very similar. Well, I will tell you, lean in close and raise your right hand. Now, do you promise to keep this a secret for as long as it takes you to read the rest of this post. Alright, I will tell you....

But, first I must tell you about Julie. If you have not met her she is the best. I could not have gotten any luckier, than to marry someone like her. I could not have made it this far in life without her. She truly is my better half. If I have a weakness, it will be something she is strong in. Julie completes me. On days when I am struggling to adjust to life without Weston, she is there to help pick me up.

Oh what is that? you want the secret. Well now hold on I have just a few more....... Ok Ok I will tell you. The secret to my life, well besides family, my wife, and of course hope in the future, is.........well....YOU. You my extended family, the ones I know and the ones I may never know. You are what help get me through the darkest of days. Without you there would be no paying it forward, Feed the Fire could not go one, and our hope in the future would not be so real. So, my dear reader, supporter, and friend how do I say thank you? The only way I know how. Thank YOU!

You are the reason I can Hang on, Hang in, and Don't quit.


AK

Words Of Wisdom

Have you ever been talking to someone and then BAM! they lay out something big. I am not talking about normal big, I mean life changing big. I can thing of at least two times in my life. It was a paradigm shift for me both times. As a matter of fact it is one of those things that stick with you. Gently nudging you in the back recesses of your mind. Ever so slightly you start to see the whole picture, because at the time you are to wrapped up in life to notice what was just said to you.

Now on to the good stuff, the first time was during one of our trips to Johnson City Medical Center for Weston. Julie and I where taking in what the Doctors had just told us. If I remember correctly the Doctors wanted to do something new to Weston and we where unsure of what to do. The Doctors had left us to make up our minds on what to do. Now my whole life up until this point had been to always trust that the Doctor knew best. This time we where unsure and not wanting to do what the Doctors wanted to do. Then like a wise old monk, our nurse came to us with the best advice ever. (at least for where we where at the time) She said "You know you can say No to the Doctor". I was blown away. I had always done whatever the Doctor wanted to do. This has lead to many a Doctor's discomfort, as Julie and I have advocated for our kids.

The other day wisdom was bestowed upon me again. I was making a comment about how "I hate that I do not like something but I do not like it". Out of the blue, my friend, like the Dahlia Lama, himself, looked over at me and says "You do know, it is OK, not to like something". This may not sound like much but I had never considered that it was Ok not to like something that everyone else liked. I have always tried to "be nice" and apologize for not liking something. The thing is, this has been a life long problem for me. As I thought of this little nugget of wisdom, I keep coming back to "man he is right". How many times have I apologized for having my own opinion or not liking something that others like. You know what, it is OK, not to like something (unless it is Julie's cooking, then thats a whole other can of worms) and have my own opinions.

My challenge for myself and you if you choose, is to take these two pieces of gold and run with them. I am going to continue to tell Doctors no when I believe they are wrong. I am going to stop apologizing for my opinions and know that it is Ok not to like stuff everyone else likes. If you have some pearls of wisdom to pass my way please comment below. Remember Hang on, Hang in, and Don't quit.



AK

Somethings Never Change

The more things change in my life, the more I see them the same. I am often faced with the similar challenges, whether it is having to make hard choices or learning to have more patience. Life always seems to challenge you in ways that make you grow or just makes you mad. 

Most people will never go through having to deal with the death of a child, who was in the hospital as much as or more, than he was at home. This experience has changed me, for the better I would say. I have seen now that, family is what matters. I often have to remind myself that it is OK to just enjoy your family. 

It would have been easy for me to turn to work to deal with my loss. I could just work and spend little time at home. This would have helped my career and been a much easier path, but I would have missed out on a lot of good times. My family is what I want now more than anything. I just want to be with them. It is not always fun times, but everyday I am reminded this is right where I belong.

Today on Facebook I saw a quote that I just loved. "Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision" (unknown) Wow, powerful right, one thing we learned early in Weston's life was that making decision, no matter how hard, was an important thing to do. When dealing with a child that is sick you have to choose, no one else can, sure doctor can help but you must choose.

The other day our youngest (18 months) started drawing on the walls. Everyone else had just stopped drawing on the wall. This artwork on the walls used to make me mad, I would have to clean it and if it was bad enough I would have to paint the walls again. This time was different, I just could not seem to get that worked up about it. As a matter of fact I almost thought it was funny. It seems only fitting that our last would follow in the footsteps of the rest of the kids and give us great pieces of art. 

Work was such a focus of mine for years. All I could think of was to work, to make money for me and the family. My first year at one job I worked over 600 hours of overtime. That was from April-December, when did I have time for the family. That is over 25% of an average year, most people work around 2000 hours a year. I missed out on quite a bit that year, in the kids lives. Last year I had less than 150 hour of overtime, and most of that was not by choice. Can you see the change.

My goal now is to be a better person everyday. Everyday I work on it, some days are better than others. I still get angry when I should not, I still have to be careful when overtime is available. It is so easy to fall back into our old ways, but I challenge you to take the road less traveled. Do not go quietly into that night. Make bold choices and be patience with the ones you love. Also Hang on, Hang in, Don't quit.

AK

Had A Good Day

I feel some days that I have been kick, spit on, knocked down, and sat upon, but not today. Why heck I do not know. I guess some days are just easier than others. I find myself often wondering will this get any better. Well, today it is. I would say this is a very big step. I have always tried to be up bet and see the bright side of things, but some days are just not that easy.

What are your keys to staying calm? I like to eat. (If you have seen me lately you can see I have done this a lot) I also like to watch some TV. (I also have done to much of this) When I really need to charge up I find it best to just be alone and think. Sometimes this mean taking a drive, other times maybe a hike. One time I woke very early and watched the sunrise on a local mountain. That was wonderful for my soul.

This will be the last post I put on Facebook or Twitter. From now on I will be just posting on here, I will not push this blog. If you would like to share it feel free. Also if you would like me to put you on an email list to get notices in your email, I will figure out how to do that. Please comment below and let me know what you want to hear about. As always Hang on, Hang in, Don't quit.

AK

Thank You!!!!!

Wow! Again you guys have blown me away. Feed The Fire was a huge success! I am blown away at how everyone seems to go above and beyond. All day I kept hearing how much fun everyone was having, and to be honest that is what Weston was all about. 

I saw an elf on the self, oh how Weston would have loved that. I saw lots of kiddos playing on fire trucks, Weston was always a big fan of that. The best thing I saw was people with smiles on their faces. Everyone I saw had a smile not one person looked sad, it was great.

We are still getting a finial count, but looks like we will be over 200 places feed. That is close to double last year. Feed The Fire could not be this great without the help of you guys. Several restaurants also got involved, again blown away. We are going to try and do something to thank the places that gave. If you go to one of these places, please tell them thank you for Feeding the Fire.

Looking to next year, what would you like to see different? How can we make it better? How can we get more people involved? Please comment below and let me know what you think.

From the Keeton family, THANK YOU!! You guys are amazing! You guys have always been there. So one more time from the bottom of my humbled heart, Thank You!!! You have really made Feed The Fire something special and we could not do it without you.

AK

Feed The Fire, A Little Thank You

Two years ago today was the hardest day of my life. My heart was broken that day. Weston died on that day. Every since I have had many mixed emotions. Anger has been one feeling. I am not angry at anyone just angry that such a young life was cut short. I also feel sad and morn the loss of a son who will never grow up. I also have feelings of acceptance. I accept that he is healed now and no longer suffering. It is never going to be easy, but......

Now two years later I have some hope. Hope that we have turned something so sad into a way to give back. I am always amazed at the heart of people. I read in the paper and see on the news how the world is just a wreck. People asking "Where are all the good people?" To me on days like today you get to find some of them, they will be the ones giving back to their heroes. They will also be the ones getting feed today. The Firemen, EMS, and Police all put their lives on the line to help others everyday. Today is just one day to say thank you.

So from the bottom of my broken heart THANK YOU. Thank you to all the ones doing the feeding and to all the ones being feed. Thank you for your time and effort. Thank you for making today a little easier. Thank you for help me honor Weston. 

As always Hang on, Hang in, and Don't quit.

AK

March Is Hard

Facebook has this cool thing where it will pull up old posts or pictures. It is called Time hop I do not have it but Julie does. Most of the time it is great to see old things she has posted, pictures from the past. In eleven of the twelve months it is great. March on the other hand is a hard month. You see Weston died on the 23rd of March 2014. It is a bitter sweet month so many memories are good but it is the month we lost our son.

Time hop has brought up many thing most Julie keeps to herself, but the ones she shares take my breath away. I love seeing pictures of Weston, but many pictures bring me back to the days in the hospital. After transplant we had such high hopes, by March things where not looking so good. The doctors had prepared us for this but if was not easy.

Weston's death is still hard to think about. I tear up when I think about losing one of my own. A parent is not meant to out live their kids. I do not know how other people deal with it, but for me I struggle everyday. It is the little things. When I look at Weston's older brother and know his best friend is gone. Look at Weston's little brother is not much easier they look so much alike. The girls miss him too. Our youngest baby never knew Weston here on earth but I can see his personality in her each day.

How does one truly recover from such a loss with all of these reminders. I take it a little at a time. Just make it though the week, day, or on real bad day just though the moment. I would say I am doing the best I can. I get up everyday determined to make it through. The family is getting along. The kids have kept growing, despite Julie strong objections otherwise. 

Julie has been busy with different heart groups. We just attended the CHF Gala in Philadelphia. Julie and I had a great time, we even snuck in a night alone (not an easy thing to do with seven curtain climber running around). I have been busy going back to school and with work. We both are member of the Philly heart moms (Julie) or Philly heart dads (Me) Facebook groups. The second annual Feed The Fire is about to kick off on March 23rd. If you would like to help out visit the Facebook page and sign up. 

March will always be a month full of memories. Some will be joyful, some will be sad. I know for myself I will look in the mirror in the morning and say "You got this". Life for me has not gone the way I thought it would, but I will just keep moving on. I would like to extend a special thank you to all who read and comment on this, it helps me knowing that people care. In case you have forgotten Hang on, Hang in, Don't quit