Saturday, July 1, 2017

Things To Do In The Hospital




Have you ever sat in a hospital room for a day? How about a week? A month? At some point, we all reach that point of utter boredom.  We have watched all the TV we can stand, we have eaten all the cafeteria food we care to ever eat. So the question is, what do you do then?

Well, for me I had to constantly come up with new stuff to do. One thing I did was create a routine. I know it does not make sense but for me it worked. First I should say Julie and I typically swapped nights at the hospital. If it was the morning after my night, I would shower first thing. This always helped me feel more human again. I would then wait on Julie and then go grab breakfast. After rounds it was lunch time and we always tried to mix that up. On some days, I would walk 20 minutes away to grab lunch. Supper was usually take out from something different. That was a typical day.

I would play games with Weston, which never got old. We would ask the doctors if we could take him outside or at least for a walk. One of my fondest memories is of Weston going outside and smuggling in a worm. I never laughed so hard. Weston was in the CICU at the time.

Some days, it would not be nice enough to get outside. Days when I felt a little down, I would go to the "bridge", which was an area with lots of light between CICU and the step down unit. I was a place for me to go and be almost outside. People would be near but give me space and I could work out my feelings.

Updating everyone would take up some part of the day. Some days, I would post a lot,  some days, I would post nothing. I learned that I needed my space just like everyone else and did not have to post everyday or everything. I also learned I did not have to take every call and everyone understood. This was a great help, it allowed me to talk about Weston when I was ready and had news to share.

Some days, I could read a book, some days I could not. Some days we would just lay around and watch a movie. Going to the playroom was always good times. Weston would find something crazy to get into and it was good to see other kids making the best of their stay.

It was important for me to find variety, find time for myself, post when I wanted to, and enjoy Weston. Everyday was not perfect. Some days I was more snappy than I should have been. Others I was pretty good. The important thing was I was trying to do the best I could. So if you find yourself in the hospital for an extended stay, take it a day at a time and remember it is OK to feel how ever you feel. As always Hang on, Hang In, and Don't Quit.


AK

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Finding Purpose.




Have you ever felt like you were lost? Everything seemed to be just be passing you by. Life has a strange way of moving on even when we do not want it to. Life can really suck some days.

When Weston was first diagnosed, it was all a blur. Things moved fast, I was just along for the ride. Then, we get the news that we need to go to Philadelphia. O.K. I said to myself. Weston beat the odds time and time again. He was a rock star. Although we spent the next three years in Philadelphia. Even on the hard days I always thought we got this. But, life goes on.

Weston was not to come home from Philadelphia. He lost his battle and I lost my way. The family all moved back to Tennessee and proceeded to learn to live together again. It was hard. I was broken. I felt as though I was in the middle of an ocean on a small raft. Everywhere I looked was water. Which way should I go? I had no idea, and really I did not care at the time.

This was a hard time for Julie and I. A man without purpose is not very fun to be around. I was grumpy and lost. I did not realize it at the time but I was. I needed a direction, but I could not bring myself to move. I just wanted to sit in my sorrow. Life marched forward whether I moved with it or not. Julie and the kids were the only reason I done anything back then.

The thing about life is you can only sit for so long. One day Julie said "hey why not finish your degree". I said "sure" with about that much gusto. I did not know it but Julie had just planted a seed. The more I thought about it the more it ate at me. I should finish my degree, why not I was so close. So, off I went in a direction and what do you I started to move. My little boat was finial moving. I was no longer stuck.

Finishing my degree will not happen until this August but, boy I can see the end of the tunnel. Our life has always had ups and downs, but for once I can see land. I can see one of the many destinations I want to visit. I am starting to learn to live again. Life is starting to take shape again. I have made many changes in our course as I sail toward graduation, but with Julie and the kids helping me I will make it. I now have a goal. Hope is there again.

The loss of Weston will leave a mark on my life forever. I think I am starting to turn a corner. The pain is starting to become more manageable. I will never forget him or stop hurting, but I must captain my ship. If I do not, then life will still march on. So, if you find yourself drifting one day, remember it is O.K. for a little while but life goes on. Grab the rudder and pick a direction and see what life has in store for you just over the horizon. As always Hang on, Hang In, and Don't Quit.


AK

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Basketball Is Fun!

Julie and I have been letting the kids play basketball over the last few months. We just played our last games Saturday and what a blessing it was to be involved in this league. It is amazing to see what kids can learn in just a few short months. It was such a great thing for our family as Julie and I laughed, cheered, yelled, smiled, worried, and watched the kids grow in there basketball skills.

Ellie played and was one of the taller kids so she liked to run around with the ball and play keep away. I found this to be the funniest thing, some of the other parents may not have enjoyed it as much. Avery was able to score a point and was learning how to dribble. Emery and Abby played on the same team and where a fierce defensive combo. They both played with true determination and even won the championship for their age. Sutton from the start was just a ball of energy and you never truly knew what he was going to do. In his last game, Sutton was also playing good defense and making an impact on the court.

The coaches each took our kids and found what they could do and expanded on it. Every coach was a true blessing and taught each kid. Charlie the guy that ran the league was great at helping the kids learn what they did wrong and help them to do better. I only heard one word spoken out of place and Charlie was quick to call the person out and remind everyone why we where there. This was one of the best things we have every done as a family.

One of the things that I could not help but think was that Weston would have loved it. The way the crowed cheered for both team, especially for the kids that do not always get the ball. In some games a player would be "helped" a little so they could shine, Weston would have eaten this up. He may not have been able to play for very long, but he would have loved every minute of it. This is what tells me we made the right choice. I know if Weston would have loved it, then we made the right choice.

This experience has help me heal a little. I feel that our family is finally starting to do normal things. I  felt like we belong. We still stick out a little with our big group, but everyone was very nice and understanding that this was our kids first year. Although most will probably never know it they have helped this dad heal a little from a broken heart. Thank you to all that have put in the time to make my kids feel welcome. As always Hang on, Hang In, and Don't Quit.


AK