Finding Purpose.

Have you ever felt like you were lost? Everything seemed to be just be passing you by. Life has a strange way of moving on even when we do not want it to. Life can really suck some days.

When Weston was first diagnosed, it was all a blur. Things moved fast, I was just along for the ride. Then, we get the news that we need to go to Philadelphia. O.K. I said to myself. Weston beat the odds time and time again. He was a rock star. Although we spent the next three years in Philadelphia. Even on the hard days I always thought we got this. But, life goes on.

Weston was not to come home from Philadelphia. He lost his battle and I lost my way. The family all moved back to Tennessee and proceeded to learn to live together again. It was hard. I was broken. I felt as though I was in the middle of an ocean on a small raft. Everywhere I looked was water. Which way should I go? I had no idea, and really I did not care at the time.

This was a hard time for Julie and I. A man without purpose is not very fun to be around. I was grumpy and lost. I did not realize it at the time but I was. I needed a direction, but I could not bring myself to move. I just wanted to sit in my sorrow. Life marched forward whether I moved with it or not. Julie and the kids were the only reason I done anything back then.

The thing about life is you can only sit for so long. One day Julie said "hey why not finish your degree". I said "sure" with about that much gusto. I did not know it but Julie had just planted a seed. The more I thought about it the more it ate at me. I should finish my degree, why not I was so close. So, off I went in a direction and what do you I started to move. My little boat was finial moving. I was no longer stuck.

Finishing my degree will not happen until this August but, boy I can see the end of the tunnel. Our life has always had ups and downs, but for once I can see land. I can see one of the many destinations I want to visit. I am starting to learn to live again. Life is starting to take shape again. I have made many changes in our course as I sail toward graduation, but with Julie and the kids helping me I will make it. I now have a goal. Hope is there again.

The loss of Weston will leave a mark on my life forever. I think I am starting to turn a corner. The pain is starting to become more manageable. I will never forget him or stop hurting, but I must captain my ship. If I do not, then life will still march on. So, if you find yourself drifting one day, remember it is O.K. for a little while but life goes on. Grab the rudder and pick a direction and see what life has in store for you just over the horizon. As always Hang on, Hang In, and Don't Quit.


AK