Sunday, June 28, 2015

Bitter Sweet Memories








Do you like to hike? I do and I love to hike with the family. I love the idea of experiencing new exciting outdoor things with the ones that are closest to me. So today we took a hike with the whole family, thats right Julie and I and all 7 children (10 down to 9 months). Crazy right, we made it, we did about a mile and half and all went pretty well. It was fun, exciting, and above all it was a memory maker.

This day makes me remember before Weston was in Philadelphia, back when I would drag him along on my hikes. Weston loved to go with me on hikes, well he loved the idea. I would always end up carrying him and he would revel in being carried. 

Father's Day one year Julie and I thought, "Hey I got a great idea" lets hike around the lake at Bays Mountain. This is about 2.3 miles and a nice scenic walk around Kingsport reservoir on a fairly nice hiking path. Easton our oldest was about 2, Weston was one and half, and Julie was pregnant with Emery. We took a stroller and all was well until we hit the trail. The trail was not, I repeat not, set up for strollers, toddlers, or pregnant angry women. This was a long, hot, and argue filled trip (I think Julie thought maybe she should divorce me just to avoid future trips like this. lol) We where able to survive and stay married so all was well.

A few years later we made a trip to Laurel Falls in Hampton, TN. This time instead of going in blind we researched the hike and learned it was and easy almost level hike except for the last 3 tenths of a mile. Three tenths of a mile how bad can that be. Well let me tell you it was horrible. We walk in and get to the last three tenth and we are looking at a decent down this large stone steps for the next three tenths. The steeps where LARGE, especially for the little kids. We made it and the kids where able to play in the water and had a great time. Then, we looked back up the steps of doom. I carried one on my back and one on my front for most of the trip back up these steps. At the the top was a large rock kinda like a table, where I promptly laid down and tried to die. By the end of this hike, we where both carrying one child or two and a nice lady we meet was carrying another. Again, Julie (my non-outdoorsy wife) had thoughts of leaving me.  I think and after that one I didn't blame her. We made great memories again and survived but just barely. 

Now ever time the family goes on a hike I have feeling of bitter sweetness. I am reminded of the times we had Weston along and even though I would have to carry him a lot he always had a great time. Oh, and today I don't think Julie wanted to divorce me, I must be getting better at picking more family friendly hikes. As a family we made many a memory on the trail, not just the hiking trail but also on the trail of life. I encourage you to always take life by the horns and go forth in life and make mistakes, get messy, and above all make memories. Never forget to Hang on, Hang in, and Don't quit.



AK

Friday, June 26, 2015

You Are Not The Wife I Married!






And I Love That.



I have been married almost 11 years. Just to think about that is amazing. How have I been so lucky to marry a woman who would put up with me for nearly 11 years?   Insane right? At first we where just two kids in love, with the world at our finger tips. Then, we grew up when faced with a terminally ill child.  Lately, we have been learning to love again after the death of our son Weston.

Julie and I met on her birthday. I knew from the moment I meet her I wanted to marry her. She was fun, smelled good, and looked great (also she had an it factor). I had to pursue her pretty hard but she was no match for my sweet, shy self. I was able to win her over with my dashing good looks and charm. We were happy and in love with one child and another on the way.

After our second son was born, on his ninth day birthday, we found out he had a heart defect and our lives have never been the same. But, Julie and I where able to stiffen ourselves and move past the diagnosis. We pulled together and bonded over our joint struggle to keep our son alive. It was not an easy thing to do but with her great strength I was able to do what I needed to do and support our family.

Our struggle was lost when Weston died. This was one of the worst days of my life. It sucked. Julie was there with me and I was there for her. Together we have been picking up a new struggle, the struggle to continue on even when life kicks you in the nuts. It has not been easy. We have been on the edge of divorce. We have both had bad days and good days. 

On my wedding day, I married the girl of my dreams. Little did I know, what a journey we would be going though. I am amazed everyday at Julie's strength, resolve, character, and ability to put up with me. I have heard it said many times "that behind every great man is an even greater woman". I would have to say that my take would be "beside of this man stand the greatest woman" because after everything we have been through we both stand next to each other. 

Just because life has not been nice to you does not mean you can just lay around and whine.  The woman I married nearly 11 years ago is not the woman I see everyday, and I love that. Julie has grown into the most wonderful of wife and is truly my best friend. So, if life gets you feeling down remember Hang in, Hang on, and Don't quit.

AK

Monday, June 1, 2015

Four Years Wow!







Do you know what you where doing four years ago today? I do. We were taking Weston to Philadelphia for the start of a long hard road. If I knew then what I know now, would I have started on this path?   I don't know.

Firs,t you need to know that Weston was having these episode that looked kinda like seizure, but where as we later found out Pulmonary Hypertension crises. These things where scary as heck and no one could tell us what they where or what to do about them. Finally, Julie was able to video one and send it to CHOP.  We had no idea this one video would rock our world and almost break our family up. (I guess it did for awhile but not forever)

Almost immediately we received a call saying we had to come to CHOP or they would not see us anymore. I was kinda pissed at hearing this news. I needed to work to support my family and no one else had been concerned about these episodes before so who does this person think they are. We talk to them and explained the we lived over 530 miles away and could not just come right up. (plus we did have other kids that needed to be watched)

So, on that fateful day June 1, 2011, we made the long trip to Philadelphia, where we made lots of friends and spent over 3 years of our lives. Looking back on the past is always hard. The "if only" always get in my head. I always have to tell myself you can only make a decision once then you have to live with it. I am not saying I would have changed a lot of what we did but you can't help but thing how things could have turned out different.

I guess the big thing to remember is love the ones you love today because tomorrow my never come. It sucks losing Weston but know we did the best we could help us with the pain. CHOP will always hold a special place in my heart, along with all our friend and adopted families. As I think about moving on with my life I just want to say I Love You Weston. As always Hang on, Hang in, and Don't quit.

AK