Marriage

Marriage

How do you guys stay married after all you have gone though? Tough question, right?  This is a question that I have received. How do you answer such a question? This is not an easy question. One of my favorite answers is, I don't know. I will give you a glimpse into my marriage and maybe this can help answer the question.

The early years wh\ere crazy we lived with both of my Julie's sisters (bad move for a good marriage or maybe not). We had guardianship of her youngest sister. Two twenty-two year olds trying to raise a teenager-talk about hard on a marriage.  We had two kids, one was Weston who we found out had a heart problem at nine days old. It was stressful but always entertaining. We survived and moved out on our own after her sister turned eighteen. It was not easy but we made the best of it.

Our next big challenge was the illness that was a severe congenital heart defect and pulmonary Hypertension. Wow, talk about getting kick where it hurts. 50% of marriage end right there with the diagnosis. Each surgery would also take 50% of those left, but we hung in there. We fought and yelled. We laughed and we cried. We talked about divorce a lot but never did we go through with it. What would I do if I lost my best friend, how would I make it though life without her? We made it during our stays at Duke and our eventually move to CHOP.

Children's Hospital of Philadelphia-talk about an impressive place. Three years, Julie called CHOP and the surrounding area home. I stayed as long as I could, but like most couple had to go back home and work to keep our insurance and pay bills. Separation kills a lot of marriages with each month killing more couples. We would talk each night on the phone, but this was not the same as sleeping next to each other. This was some of our darkest times for our marriage. I was lonely and sad. We would talk about divorce, divorce was on my mind. How much easier it would have been for me just to walk away. I would have thoughts of moving far away and forgetting my family to start over in a new place. In my heart, I knew these thoughts would not give me what I wanted. It was just fantasy.

Now, we face our toughest challenge yet, the death of our child and moving back together. Losing Weston was almost too much, it nearly ended it all. Then, on top of this you add moving a stranger back into your daily life. It was hard three years mostly apart is not great for a marriage. When Julie moved back, I would think to myself, this is my stuff stop touching it. We have moved on from this, but sometimes in the back of my mind I can still feel those thoughts, who are you and what are you doing in my house? 

One thing that I think helps us is we are not afraid to fight, we get our feelings out there. We also talk to each other, this is very important for us. Our dreams and hopes are shared. My love for my wife is always growing. She does something everyday that makes me fall in love with her more each day. We truly are best friends. 

Why has my marriage survived this long? How do we do it?  I still don't know, maybe we are just to lazy to getting divorced that seems like a lot of work. I think marriage takes time and work. There is not one path to staying married you must fine your own path. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it. So remember Hang on, Hang in, and Don't quit.

AK